Finding our way through conflict to reconciliation
by Tim Detweiler, Conference Minister for Ministerial Leadership
I grew up in a family of eight children and, needless to say, we had our share of conflict. “Just kiss and make up” was our parents’ approach to sibling conflict. Yuk! Consequently, some of us found it easier to “just give in” for the sake of peace. Others learned to “just bury our feelings.” Still others chose a “win at all cost” approach. Sound familiar? These approaches to conflict are often hurtful. Given our Anabaptist/Mennonite peace theology, conflict is often viewed as a bad thing to be avoided if at all possible. There is a better way.
Conflict is actually natural and common to all human relationships, and yes, even within the church. Within all conflict there is the danger of hurtful actions, which result in broken relationships. That is why we tend to avoid conflict. Conflict can also provide opportunity for reconciling and forgiving actions, which lead to reconciliation, greater understanding and increased intimacy.
The Conflict Management Support Team (CMST) was formed to help congregations, pastors and conference leaders within Central Plains to manage conflict in ways that lead toward reconciliation and forgiveness. Our purpose is to instruct, model and lead constructive methods of conflict management that are consistent with our Mennonite/Anabaptist faith.
Discipleship for Holistic Witness is one of our conference priorities, calling us to grow in Christ-likeness. As Anabaptist Mennonites, peacemaking and reconciliation are core values. So why are there so many stories of harmful actions within the church resulting in broken relationships? I believe it is because we have tended to avoid conflict instead of managing conflict as Jesus taught us to do.
Jesus offers the church a model for managing conflict in Matthew 18: 15-20. Jesus talks about conflict as opportunity for reconciliation and forgiveness. Conflict is actually opportunity to discover the reconciling presence of Christ among us when persons who disagree come together to resolve differences. “For where two or three come together in my name, there am I with them.” (Matt. 18:20)
Conflict is often viewed as confusing, overwhelming and hurtful. Unhealthy practices for managing conflict combined with poor patterns of communication contribute to the hurt and confusion. Too often, conflict in the church leaves people feeling broken, divided and mistreated. We believe there is a better way as followers of Jesus. Our goal is not to eliminate conflict but rather to help churches and pastors practice Jesus’ model for managing conflict as found in Matthew 18.
Leadership for Holistic Witness is another one of our conference priorities. All members of the CMST are trained in conflict management skills through the Lombard Mennonite Peace Center. In the coming months and years, we will be offering workshops throughout our conference to educate, train and equip pastors, congregational leaders, and other interested persons in the skills of healthy conflict management. In addition, Conflict Management Support Team members will be available to offer assistance for managing conflict in our congregations.
We want pastors and congregational leaders to learn and practice healthy conflict transformation skills within the congregation. Equipping leaders with the skills for managing interpersonal and group conflict, promoting a healthy understanding of conflict, and learning how to speak truth in love are important practices in this process.
With reconciliation as our goal for managing conflict, relationships are restored, community life is strengthened and our Christian witness in the community has greater integrity. This leads to our third conference priority of Fellowship as Holistic Witness.
I hope you take advantage of the benefits the Conflict Management Support Team offers by attending our workshops and inviting the team to help your congregation.
From the October 2013 Scattered Seeds
I grew up in a family of eight children and, needless to say, we had our share of conflict. “Just kiss and make up” was our parents’ approach to sibling conflict. Yuk! Consequently, some of us found it easier to “just give in” for the sake of peace. Others learned to “just bury our feelings.” Still others chose a “win at all cost” approach. Sound familiar? These approaches to conflict are often hurtful. Given our Anabaptist/Mennonite peace theology, conflict is often viewed as a bad thing to be avoided if at all possible. There is a better way.
Conflict is actually natural and common to all human relationships, and yes, even within the church. Within all conflict there is the danger of hurtful actions, which result in broken relationships. That is why we tend to avoid conflict. Conflict can also provide opportunity for reconciling and forgiving actions, which lead to reconciliation, greater understanding and increased intimacy.
The Conflict Management Support Team (CMST) was formed to help congregations, pastors and conference leaders within Central Plains to manage conflict in ways that lead toward reconciliation and forgiveness. Our purpose is to instruct, model and lead constructive methods of conflict management that are consistent with our Mennonite/Anabaptist faith.
Discipleship for Holistic Witness is one of our conference priorities, calling us to grow in Christ-likeness. As Anabaptist Mennonites, peacemaking and reconciliation are core values. So why are there so many stories of harmful actions within the church resulting in broken relationships? I believe it is because we have tended to avoid conflict instead of managing conflict as Jesus taught us to do.
Jesus offers the church a model for managing conflict in Matthew 18: 15-20. Jesus talks about conflict as opportunity for reconciliation and forgiveness. Conflict is actually opportunity to discover the reconciling presence of Christ among us when persons who disagree come together to resolve differences. “For where two or three come together in my name, there am I with them.” (Matt. 18:20)
Conflict is often viewed as confusing, overwhelming and hurtful. Unhealthy practices for managing conflict combined with poor patterns of communication contribute to the hurt and confusion. Too often, conflict in the church leaves people feeling broken, divided and mistreated. We believe there is a better way as followers of Jesus. Our goal is not to eliminate conflict but rather to help churches and pastors practice Jesus’ model for managing conflict as found in Matthew 18.
Leadership for Holistic Witness is another one of our conference priorities. All members of the CMST are trained in conflict management skills through the Lombard Mennonite Peace Center. In the coming months and years, we will be offering workshops throughout our conference to educate, train and equip pastors, congregational leaders, and other interested persons in the skills of healthy conflict management. In addition, Conflict Management Support Team members will be available to offer assistance for managing conflict in our congregations.
We want pastors and congregational leaders to learn and practice healthy conflict transformation skills within the congregation. Equipping leaders with the skills for managing interpersonal and group conflict, promoting a healthy understanding of conflict, and learning how to speak truth in love are important practices in this process.
With reconciliation as our goal for managing conflict, relationships are restored, community life is strengthened and our Christian witness in the community has greater integrity. This leads to our third conference priority of Fellowship as Holistic Witness.
I hope you take advantage of the benefits the Conflict Management Support Team offers by attending our workshops and inviting the team to help your congregation.
From the October 2013 Scattered Seeds